You live, you laugh, you love, you learn

Astroboy is amazing.

That is all :)

Guys, I need some advice/help!

So there's this book trilogy I've been writing for the past three months. It started out as a fanfiction, but since I didn't want to get back into fanfic, I turned it into an original which kept kind of close to the fanfic plot. It was always meant to be just a writing exercise; it's written from the point of view of an 18/19/20 year old boy and his brother, so I wanted to see if a teenage girl could get it close to the way it would sound in a guy's head.

...Well, the book has plot holes galore and the narrative (first person) is extremely immature, since it's in a guy's head, and I'm just sick and tired of writing it. But my brother loves it and I'm on the last book, so I want to finish it. Problem is, I'm totally NOT inspired to write it. I have a different book idea in mind that I actually want to get published, and stuff, and I want to start on it now.

So I guess what I'm asking is this: do you guys think I should finish the trilogy and make my brother happy, or should I drop it, now almost halfway through the last book?

Any advice is highly appreciated! :D

...I just had my first dream of being kissed that I've had for the past...maybe six months or more.

This is scary to me, and heartbreaking.

I wish my mind wouldn't do this to me anymore. :(

School is amazing. Writing is amazing. Life in general is amazing right now. I have something exciting and fun going every week from now through November: parties, hanging with friends, bro's birthday, etc. Even though I have to have a minor mouth surgery (which I am VERY scared about) it's all gonna be good, you know?

I'm just so damn happy today, and I don't know why. It's a gray cloudy day but my heart is singing. Maybe it's because of my music (Phil Collins is extraordinary) or maybe it's beause Im starting my Christmas shopping tomorrow and I get to hang with two of my very best friends on Saturday and Sunday. Whatever the reason, the fact remains: I am so happy to be alive.

...Also, if you haven't seen Fame, go see it and but the soundtrack. It's such an amazing movie! :D

I love everyone on my friends' list so much. I hope you guys are all doing well!


You shouldn't give up.
Fight for yourself and
who you are. You've got
to go through the worst
times in life to get the best.~Anonymous

I am officially doing a full RL post. Excitement!

I've officially started my Senior Year of high school. I was really nervous at first, but since my best friend is going to college here in Indiana, I got to see the campus and now the thought of college doesn't scare me. The truth is, I think I'm ready to be done with High School and all the drama that it involves. College seems a little more mature [depending on who you choose to spend your time with...lol] and that's really what I need in my life right now, so.

My current line-up for this school year:

[Finishing] Consumer Math
Business Math
Algebra 2
Geometrey
[Finishing] Government and Economy
Grammar
Creative Writing

And that's all I know of. My mom and is also going to help me edit my book as part of the grammar/creative writing angle, which adds a flare to keep me pulled in. I like it.

I realized recently that I really want to watch Firefly. A couple of my friends made me watch Serenity, and although I fell asleep for most of it [totally not because it was boring...I was tired ;) ] I loved what I saw and I want to see more. So, adding to my TV show list.

Which reminds me: NCIS and NCIS: LA. I cannot wait for these two shows to come back. Twelve days, baby!!!!

I have a cold. In summer. What is this madness? D:

I realized recently how much I depend on writing to get through my life. It's actually kind of sad. Well, no, it's not...not when I actually finish whatever it is I am working on. I just finished another book that I'm really happy with, and I'm working on its sequel and I honestly don't know how people can go their whole lives without writing ANYTHING. That seems like an empty existence, lol.

I'm also currently addicted to the works of Dianne Wynne Jones. Primarily, Howl's Moving Castle and Castle in the Air. This woman weaves magic in words almost as great as JK Rowling. It's so amazing. I hope to someday be a tenth as good of a writer as she is.

We've been having Harry Potter marathons at my house :3 My dad, who forbade me from watching the movies when I was a kid, now watches them every weekend. It's really, really great. I can almost quote movie 5 from start to finish.And speaking of movies: Hollywood, stop coming out with such GOOD MOVIES this year. Seriously, you're breaking my bank.

...But you know I love it <3

Oh! I might have a laptop now! It's old and used and in the hands of our friendly Computer Whiz, but he's fixing it up and then I might be able to write in my bedroom! I love that thought. :D It gets cold in the back room during the winter.

Also, all of my favorite bands are coming out with new albums this year. I think that's a zillion kinds of awesome.

I really want to take dance lessons. I think I would benefit from them.

<3 <3 <3 I love you all, my f-list! <3 <3 <3

I rarely update unless I'm whining about something, so this is a nice change up with a positive comment:

I. LOVE. DANCING.

That is all.

So, basically, my best friend, who has been living with us for a month, moved out yesterday. And everything seems very hollow. I know she'll be having fun at college, but I miss her already, and the distractions will only last for so long. Then I'm going to be really, really sad. :-\ I can't wait for her to come home again, though I've no idea when that will be.

On a side note, started new book. Am twelve chapters in. It's good. :)

So, basically, I have this guy problem...

( Cut for those who hate these things... )

So, I went and saw Half-Blood Prince yesterday with Zach, Wally, and my brother.

( I AM the Chosen One! )

So it's four in the morning, and it's storming like crazy, so I can't sleep, and guess what? I have to work tomorrow. And all this stuff isn't supposed to be out of here until six. Which means I'm losing three hours of precious sleep out of the eight I usually get. Shit.

But i was actually grateful to wake up from that last dream, 'cause it was bonkers.

( Cut for a VERY random dream... )</div>
So, that's the inside of my head at night, with too much sugar. Scary, neh?

Dear RL Friends: Please stop being so dramatic. The world does not revolve around you.

Dear Family: Stop being pushy, overbearing, and lazy. I will NOT shoulder all of the responsibility for my lazy ass brother. If you want me to do his chores, you better damn well not pay him for "doing" them. And no, I will NOT shut up when you make promises about doing things and then just break them because you are the *adults*. Nor will I simply keep to myself when you act so fucking depressed because the house is dirty. Great. I don't see you cleaning it, all you do is sit around and watch TV and bitch at me.

Dear Coworkers: Please stop being arrogant pricks. The world does not revolve around you either just because you have testosterone. You may not treat me like shit, especially when I have known you for so long and we used to be friends outside of the workplace. Grow up.

Dear LJ friends: Thanks for putting up with reading this rant, assuming you got this far. <3

Two posts in one day? No, I'm not dying ;-] I just had to write this piece and put it somewhere where it can't get lost on my computer files, lol.

One-Shot.
Fandom: None in particular
Rating: G
Pairing: Definitely none
Dedication: To anyone who has ever had unrequited love.

One of my friends is graduating today.

And I just...ugh. I don't even know. It's just that...life is going by way too fast now. Another on my friends, who I have known for 13 years (since I was three) just moved ten hours away, and I now another friend who I've known for just as long is graduating, and so is my youngest-older-brother, and I can't take this. And my best friend is gonna be gone all summer, and now whenever I'm with her things are just sort of awkward 'cause we never see each other like, ever, and she agrees because she commented on how we used to know everything about each other, and it was just so fun, but now conversation is all stilted. We spent practically every day last summer together, and the summer before that, and now I'll be lucky to see her more than once before August, and...

And I'm so busy, and life is going by so fast, and I think 8/12ths of my coworkers hate me, and it's dreary outside, and life just plain SUCKS right now, despite having a life.

I just don't know, people. it's so hard to have all of my friends growing up and moving away and growing apart, and I just want it to be really SUMMER so I can go down to Florida with my brother and pretend we're not all growing older and seperating.

( LOST!!! )

Sometimes, I really hate my parents.

 

Like, I know they love me and everything, but...idk. My dad is always ragging on me about how my brother and I will never make it in the world because we’re too damn lazy, and my mom sometimes just gets pissed and starts cussing if we don’t do our chores, and the threaten to take our allowances away. And I’m like, “ Geeze, five bucks isn’t much anyways, take the damn money.”

 

And they just keep harping on us because we don’t load the fucking dishwasher. Good grief. If it’s messing up your life so bad, just load it and start it yourself and cut a dollar out of the five you give me. Just stop yelling at me already.

 

Ugh, I don’t even know. They just make me so mad sometimes.

So, I think everyone on the ol' f-list should know I'm NOT DEAD. =D

Oh, aren't you all joyful about this? XD

I wish I could say my absence was due to something cool, like being in witness protection, but the truth is I've just been wayyyyy too busy to update. But now I've found the time, so!

Not much has happened since my last long-ago post. The thing with the boy fell through completely, pretty much all of my friendships except for maybe five or six are now shot, my brother IS NOT graduating on time, I have a job...that's about it.

I do have some fandom rants, however.

( Cut for those who have not been watching 24! )SHOW I HATE YOU LIKE SO SO MUCH.
Those of you who used to read my LJ when I was a 24 fanatic know that I absolutely LOVED Tony Almeida. Like, I don't think I've ever "crushed" on a fictional character that hard. So I can't EFFING BELIEVE that they turned him bad. Seriously, what is this nonsense?! I understand it adds to the plot and all that, but I prefer to see Jack and Tony kicking ass TOGETHER, not AGAINST each other!!!

Okay, that's one rant done. Here's another:
Lost.
Oh my God, seriously? KILL JACK.

KTHNXBAI.

And.....that's that! Anyone else going to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine this weekend?

Oh! I finished my first novel ever, as well! Quite excited about that! =D It's not Fireglass, though. I scrapped that one.

And just so you know, I check this LJ every day and keep up with everyone's posts, no matter how long or short they are. So I'm not inactive, I am only lurking ;)

Muchos love for all!

Do you have trouble deleting your text messages?: As I have no cell phone...not much of a problem

What hurts more, to forgive for someone's wrong-doing or to regret something you did wrong?: Depends on the situation, but generally, damn regret

Do you lose your keys easily?: No. My mother does, though

Would you rather go to a baseball game or a football game?: Football

Is there anything you disliked about your birthday this year?: It was kind of blah and boring after I got done shopping with my friend.

If you were to win a vacation to anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be to?: Um. Japan? Or England. Or Iowa. XD

Would you rather watch a full season of American Idol, or So You Think You Can Dance? American Idol. I can actually tolerate that show.

Have you ever gone anywhere for spring break?: Nope

What is your favorite candy?: Um 3 Musketeers or Hershey Cookies An’ Cream

Do you get into a lot of arguments with the guy/girl you like?: Haha we’ve never fought actually but I used to hate him because he and my brother were enemies...long stories.

What is something that most people wouldn't know about you from simply looking at you?: That I can really kick ass if I’m provoked ;)

What is your favorite TV show?: Tie between House and Lost and Terminator and 24...but I think House takes the cake

Do you fear growing older?: A little...

Have you ever been called a tease?: Actually, no

Is there something that reminds you of someone every time you see or hear it?: Um...Frosted Mini Wheats, caterpillars, and pizza Hut come to mind...

If you were going to marry your boyfriend, what would your name be?: Well I don’t have a boyfriend, so...

What did you do this afternoon?: Um, worked. That’s about it.

Can you take a bra off with one hand? At times.

Can you use chopsticks? Not well. Haha

Ever been to the Statue of Liberty? Nope

How many e-mail addresses do you have?: 2.

Do you keep a planner? Nah. I like my days to be...un-constricted. lol

What are you wearing exactly?: Black lacey tank top, grey sweats, favorite hoodie <3

Do you like to grocery shop? Strangely, yes.

What pills do you take daily?: None. Although I should take vitamin c

Do you do your own laundry?: At times.

What's the best part about being single?: You can’t get in trouble for staring. Lol

What do you hear? Stigmatized-The Calling

What’s your favorite Boy/ Girls name? Boys: Hayden, Shiloh, Clay, Jasper. Girls: Madison, Isabella, Jasmine. Amberlee.

What friends do you tell the most to? Savannah, Becky, Tristan, and when I can, Wally and Dustin.

Where were you last night?: Savannah’s birthday dinner.

Do you wish at 11:11? Nope.

What is something you really want right now? To be with a certain someone. And to have my braces off. Yeah.

What's your favorite breed of dog? German Shepherds, beagles, Huskies

 
Where is the weirdest place you have slept?: I passed out on a rock once...

What's the closest blue object to you? My grammar book

What are you excited for? Asheville, Thursday through Sunday, then next Friday <3

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to? D.S. obviously. Tristan pretty much. And I tell Wally a lot.

Have you told anyone a secret in the past week?: Savannah probably. lol

What are you drinking? My own saliva

What woke you up this morning? My mom. Made me gasp really loud too

How long is your hair? A little past my shoulders

Last thing you ate? Dinner of pork chops, corn, and potatoes

Are you wearing make-up? Chapstick and the mascara I forgot to take off last night. lol

What are you looking forward to in the next three months? Um. Asheville. Twilight movie. Christmas. Live Out loud Possibly seeing Wally. Dad’s birthday. New years. Lol.

What brand of body lotion do you use? Aggh I forget the name

Are you tan? Somewhat

What’s your favorite girl scout cookies? Thin Mints

Are you slowly drifting away from someone close? Actually I’m getting closer to them all

When was the last time you cried really hard? Um. While watching Bridge to Terebithia I pretty much bawled. Like, the whole time. So Friday night.

Who was your last text from? None

What is your middle name? Suzanne

If you could go back in time and change something, would you? Yeah I would

What's your favorite food? I like danishes...


name 4 books on your bookshelf
01. Harry Potter (all)
02. Twilight
03. Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn (all)
04. Eragon

name 4 dvds in your collection
01. All the Harry Potter movies
02. Pirates of the Carribean 1-3
03. Batman Begins
04. Chronicles of Narnia

name 4 things on your walls
01. My poster
02. My mirror

03. My windows...lol
04. All these faries Rachel gave me.

name 4 things in your closet
01. All my clothes obviously
02. Spare pillow
03. My chest-of-drawers
04. A box with a ton of letters

name 4 artists in your music collection (playlist or other)
01. A Change of Pace
02. Skillet
03. Lifehouse
04. Evanescence

name 4 brick-and-mortar stores you shop at regularly
01. Half-Price Books
02. Meijer
03. Khols
04. Fryes

name 4 things in your bag (purse)
01. I
02. Have
03. No
04. Purse :P

 How can the worst feeling in the world spawn from the best?

            I’m so afraid that it’s only for convenience; that this whole thing is just a matter of, “ She likes me, no one else does, so I might as well...since I have no other options.” And I’m glad I’m not one of those “popular girls” he talks about...who gravitates towards the “popular boys”. I’ve never really been like that, and I think I can relate to him on being sort of over-shadowed by the brother everyone likes...getting back-shelved, and all.

            That’s one of the things that kills me; we relate so well on so many levels. Neither of us have had great, happy lives like a good deal of our friends from the Ministry. Same favorite dog breed, same favorite pizza, same religion, older brothers who are well liked and who are seniors, same grade...it’s almost crazy. It’s never boring and it’s never uncomfortable with him.

            And yet...

            I’m afraid he’s just accommodating me, that he’s only showing interest because, maybe, he did like me, then realized he didn’t, and he doesn’t know how to let me off easy. I don’t know. That’s what hurts, I. Don’t. Know. I think this might just be my personal insecurities shining through, making me think I’m not worth him.

            And worse. I’m afraid he might like one or both of my best friends. How twisted is that? But it’s the truth. I keep thinking they’re thinner, more outgoing, and way prettier than I am. What if I’m just a means to an end for him, a means of getting to my best friends? He and Savannah get along really well and that story Dustin shared with me might have been joking, but he shouldn’t have shared that with me. It’s ratcheted my doubt-meter into overdrive.

            What if he only held the door for me and bought the coffee for appearances? What if he just said that stuff to Dustin to maintain that appearance? What if he wants to know how much I talk about him because he wants to know if I’m too far into to be let off the hook?

            Ugh. I hate my mind.

. Comment on this post.
2. I will give you a letter.
3. Think of 5 fictional characters and post their names and your comments on these characters in your LJ.
Karalea gave me 'D'

05. Desmond Hume (Lost)
I have a...love/hate relationship with Desmond. He's great, he's funny, and his accent is sexy awesome, but for some wierd reason he gets on my nerves. i think I resent him Charlie's death...yeah, me and Hurley both XD I have to admit, I really like the angle he adds to the show, with his future-seeing and stuff. he's an interesting character, that's for darn sure!

04. Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter)
Figured he'd crop up here, didn't you? ;) Okay, i have a love/hate thing with Draco too. He's a great character as far as depth is cocnerned...he's not just a one-dimensional bad-guy that Jo created just to get on Harry's nerves, but dammit, I always wanted him to be firmly on the good side by the end of Book 7. That's why I loved the end of HBP <3 Anyways, Draco is so delightfully evil. He reminds me very much of those kdis we all deal/have dealt with in school and at work, etc...no matter how you come back at them they just sneer and act unaffected and Draco's that way....he's just aggravating. I love him. (But no, I, unlike most of the fandom, do NOT find him sexy. He's wierd lookin'. o.O)

03. Dorian Grey (Various)
Okay, so I so wasn't going to put him, but I just couldn't get this guy out of my head. I was introduced to Dorian in League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and even though I hated the movie I loved Dorian's  angle. He was my favorite character, and I just loved the good/bad guy arc of his story. Of course, i was convinced from the getgo that he was bad, but still. I liked how he was doing all of this to get that picture back, or w/e. He was so self-centered, but he was interesting <3


02. Derek Reese (Sarah Conner Chronicles)
Okay, TBH, Derek is my favorite charact from SCC. He's wickedly handsom and he adds such an interesting spin to the story. I love his whole backstory, how he's John's uncle, and i'm 100% chipping him with Sara...because I can. :) My brother and I have dubbed them the "dream team" and I squealed aloud when they went off on their own to kick ass last episode. The only problem with Derek is that I'm afraid he might be expendable, so every time he's on screen I'm afraid he'll die. :P


01. Dante (Devil may Cry)
Okay, I love Dante, I'll say it right now, I've never played the games but I've watched my brother and...damn. Okay. Dante in game three ROCKS. I have no other words for him. Especially in the opening sequence. I actually modled one of my own origional characters after him. Andways, Dante's so cocky, he's got that silver hair and he's great with his guns and his swords...he's eht epitome of a cliche but awesome VG character. I just wish the game was longer, 'cause...I could use more Dante XD And Virgil too!

So. Um. More stuff to report!

School's started again. I'm burdened down with Spanish, Grammar, Geometrey, Consumer Math, History, Geography, and Creative Writing. Not as bad as next year, when I'll be taking Algebra 2 and Business Math. Blahhh.

I'm officially and like, 100 % back into Harry Potter. It's jazz. I love it so much more than Twilight...like wow. So I'm writing lots of fanfiction and making videos and just loving it. Oh, and also. Harry Potter > Edward Cullen. I mean, c'mon. I got into a fight wtih a friend about this. It's so obvious.

Anyways.

Getting my headgear tightened tomorrow. I hate braces. My molars hurt. Eurgh. However, I might be able to strike a bargain with mother that will allow me to rent the Harr Potter movies and Watchwatchwatch while my headgear is in. Yay for extortion!

So..I'm on chapter twelve of Fireglass but am not writing it at the moment, working instead on an HP fanfiction that NO ONE BUT HANNAH reads and just. Argh. I hate when people read and don't review. Srsly.

I've also decided that I dislike Nessie like WHOA and supprt Jacob/Bella still. Because. You know. Werewolf > Vampire. Seriously. They're hot. <3

Also. Finding I like Godsmack. Some of their stuff sucks but on the whole I like it. Annnnddd. Also. Sound of Music? I love you. Best Musical Evar. Don't change. Love love love. <3

Speaking of love...my love life is very confused. I feel like I don't like this guy who likes me, wh I used to like, but I do, but I don't, for the sake of some guy I used to like, but I do, but I really don't. It's confusing and just ARGGHHH and I want to beat myself. With el pickelo. Or something.

*Sigh*

So, I made this lj header you see up above. And i quite like it. OoTp and DA FTW <3

Andddd...I should probably go proof read. Blargh. G'night, my lovlies!